I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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