Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize