We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
