Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
