Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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