what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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