The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
