I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
