If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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