I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
