the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
