if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize