It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
