I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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