I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how drunk are you?
Several
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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