apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
