Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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