I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's like iHOP with fire
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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