She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
