Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
