that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
