Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
