Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
