Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
