around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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