His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
