quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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