What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
