I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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