see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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