Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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