I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
