You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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