I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
