he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
