i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
