why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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