i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
