she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
