People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
