And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I will be naked everywhere
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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