you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
