This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize