I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize