Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
