I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Couch. On fire.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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