I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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