he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
