I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
