ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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