if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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