you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
