I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Are my feet made of real feet?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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