I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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