we have pet lesbian snakes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
