Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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