"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
