fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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