She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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