So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
