so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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