Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
