1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
