big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
