Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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