My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
