I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this will be a night to untag.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
