He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
