Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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