I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
