there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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