she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
sick fucks of a feather flock together
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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